either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
