Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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