We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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