apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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