did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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