you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
