i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
