a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
