A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
