she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
