Me. At least after what I've been through.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
