It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
