I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
farters have to be the big spoon...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
