There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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