NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
