Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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