The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
