dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
