i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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