Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
