I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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