I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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