I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
