So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
