cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize