if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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