im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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