I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
