I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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