You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
