I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
