I can text with my tongue
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
