An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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