i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize