her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
