She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
