i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
