I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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