I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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