Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
