glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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