Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
