I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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