Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
