Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
