I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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