Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she peed on how many people?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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