Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
