spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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