my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You ruined the universe
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
