Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
