he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
