I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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