The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
