fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
