I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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