My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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