I only kidnapped one of them. chill
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
