I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
40s are totally the cure
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
