I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
