His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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