I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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