her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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