Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
