dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I will pee on everything he values.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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