I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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