who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
