Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
